Gonna be a Course Marshall........................

Otherwise known as those great people that tell you which direction to go so you stay on course during a race.

I know it is a great thing to volunteer and all that, but this is all about me, and knowing myself. Now, for sure, I won't give in to the temptation to run the race, but I will still get to be a part of it! Talk about your win-win situation.

Never volunteered at a race before. It will be fun.

Never thought part of my training for the marathon would include that, OR navigating my way through a broken wrist.

Tells you what I know!

Checking in.............................

Yesterday was ugly.

One of those days when the negative slips in and takes over your entire existence. I wanted to escape my body and be me again. The me that is physically active, and can run for 4.5 hours and live to tell about it. Not the current me that is dragging herself into an upright position to do twenty squats and being able to literally feel the muscle wasting that is underway after such a short time of being out of commission. Not the me that lays around and sees all these things that need doing, but can't face tackling them with one hand. I was so wishing that it were the end of October so I could tell everyone all the cobwebs are my creative, inexpensive Halloween decorations. But it isn't, so they are just plain cobwebs, the sign of a lazy housekeeper.

I am tired of that nagging, constant pain. Not so bad that I want to take the pain medication that don't really take it away, but do make me itch because my body is very sensitive to chemicals/toxins and I itch like crazy while it is expels the built up toxin through my skin.

The best way I have found to get rid of negative feelings is to express gratitude, and I don't know anyone that has more to be grateful for than I do...

It bears repeating that it could have been my right (dominate) wrist that I broke which would have been much more frustrating.

It could have been my sacrum that I broke if I wouldn't have shifted all of my weight onto my left wrist, which might have made doing the marathon impossible.

I have acute pain, not chronic pain. I WILL heal and get better. Many people will not. And the itching... I am grateful that my body has a way of getting rid of the toxins so they don't hang out in my cells for a lot longer.

I am grateful that I WILL run again. I will get my base level of fitness back up, and I will continue to gain strength both physically and mentally, for many years to come.

I am beyond grateful for the loving, supportive family I have been blessed with. My youngest gets up at 5:30 in the morning to transfer, dress, and/or shower residents as needed. She brushes/washes my hair, and assisted me with my bra/dressing until I was able to again do it myself. (My) Mister works his day job, then comes home and takes over my job. He listens to me whine and bitch without taking it (too) personally, which is a HUGE growth for him, and what I need more than anything else in the world from him.

I am grateful for the ability to be continuing to work. I have a couple of residents that can't be safely transferred with one hand. It has just worked out. Either an extra arm showed up just at the right time, or the residents have been patient in waiting to be transferred to their more comfy chairs. Being self-employed means I don't get paid if I don't work, and at this stage in our (financial) lives we still depend on my income.

I have insurance. Yet to receive any statements, but I know the cost is going to be high, and I am grateful that the charges will not set us back financially us as they might have without coverage.

Those are a few of the big things I am grateful for. There are all those silly little things I am grateful for like the fact that I didn't gain ANY weight while on the steroids. Or the fact that (my) Mister is a superstar at recoding the ends of TV shows that I fall asleep watching, or just shows he knows I enjoy. Using the remote control seems to be one of a very small number of things that I do just fine with one hand. Having helped out with the Ops for some time now, (my) Mister is VERY good at fixing my plate to make eating more manageable with one hand WITHOUT me having to ask, or having the food get cold while he cuts it up into stabable and/or scoopable bites.

I could go on, but this has been enough to even out my mood, and I have some dirty dishes, laundry, and a floor that I need to tackle so I will end for now.


I hope every one's training program is going well, goals are being reached, and new ones are being set. Remember I have one more week to live vicariously through you, so GET OUT THERE!

Update............................

One really ugly looking plate, four screws, and lots of anti-nausea medication later, I am home and recovery nicely.

Taking today off to elevate, ice, and medicate. Tomorrow I will be back to work.

P.S.

I don't remember much about what he told my daughter when he talked to her after surgery, but I do remember her telling me he told her he would make me a running splint in two weeks. I might just have to make that man brownies and lemon bars for being so sweet!

Quote Of The Week.....................................

Maybe I am so into my training, that I translate everything into it, but I think this has value for running, as well as for life in general. Take what you need from it, leave the rest.


single footstep

As a single footstep
will not make a path on the earth,
so a single thought will not
make a pathway in the mind.

To make a deep physical path,
we walk ceaselessly again and again.

To make a deep mental path,
we must think over and over the kind of thoughts
we wish to dominate our lives.

~ Henry David Thoreau

Tomorrow I have surgery, so today I ran...................................

I did the wrist up so well that I have to go in tomorrow and have an O.R.I.F. (open reduction internal fixation). in other words, he is putting a metal plate in my wrist. Apparently my radius is now tipping backwards instead of forwards. Gotta say I am pretty proud of how well I have been functioning with it being so messed up.

The nurse came in first and told me I would not be running with my arm, and when I told her I had done the race on Sunday it appeared to me she wanted to run out of the room and tattle on me. Instead she started to say something else and I told her I preferred to argue with the doc about whether or not I could do the marathon.

After she left I really wanted to get upset, but I forced myself to be "zen" and think only positive things. I kept saying over and over, "Please let the doctor be a runner."

When he came in he was telling me about the surgery, and then I said, I guessed he heard about my running with a broken arm, and God bless that man he said, "So, are you doing Chicago or Detroit?" I could have kissed him! He went on to say he had done a marathon when he was 39. His concern for me is getting infection, but he told me if I gave him two weeks he would get me out there in October. What a deal.

I won't be doing my scheduled 24 miler this weekend, or the capital city half in two weekends, but I can live with that. I am going to be a model patient and be back on top by the first of October!

Think good thoughts for me tomorrow ( 9/19/07). Surgery is at 3:30 PM E.S.T. Pray for blessings for me and the surgeon, Doctor Russell.

Thanks.

P.S. He said two weeks after surgery and nothing about before, so I did a short three miles tonight. It was a bitter sweet run, and knowing it will be my last for a bit made it really, really special. For the next couple of weeks yous will have to take me out on your runs so I don't get out of shape. At least not mentally.

You're darn right I did it.................................

I showed up at the start line with an open mind, not sure if I would run or walk, just sure I would cover the distance somehow. And I ran the full five miles with (my) Mister. He actually slowed me down (good thing he's cute) a bit, but we finished in just over an hour. Good job honey!

Had someone snap this action shot of us during the race for proof (not that there is really any doubt to those that know me) that I am a crazy runner.

In the end, I literally dragged (my) Mister over the finish line with my good arm, he nearly collapsed, doc was called, but he is fine. He just gave it everything he had and needed a little sugar back in his system. But I LOVED it when we were coming in and they called out our names together. Yes it was so worth the discomfort in my arm. We will be victorious in the marathon as well.

You won't believe this one.....................................

When I went in to tell my youngest I was heading out for a run earlier this afternoon (my first since Saturday), she ask me to stretch her hamstrings. I stood on the bed with her to get good leverage and when I took an adjusting step I caught mt heel on the railing, fell backwards, caught myself with my hands, and felt my left wrist break.

Drove myself to urgent care, drove home with a splint and can't see an ortho until next week, but yes, it's broken.

Good news...I'm right handed, and I'm already thinking up ways to cross train to keep up my strength base. I might be running my marathon in cast, but I AM RUNNING IT.

Unplanned hiatus..............................

With the involvement of my vision I have not been running as I have fallen a couple of time around the house and I don't think it would be smart to chance a real injury this close to marathon day.

I was doing well on my own until yesterday afternoon when I noticed that my right eye was beginning to puff up, so I gave in and went and got a dose of steroids. Fruits and veggies a few whole grains, no junk, and lots of prayers please that I don't pack on ten pounds like I did the last time I had to do this. I am slow enough as it is.

Check out the latest eye pictures on my other blog, www.neoblast.blogspot.com/ for my eyes in full bloom. My youngest had her boyfriend drive me to her job at the pizza place for show and tell last night. I look hideous I tell you, hideous, and how often does one get to show off and laugh about looking hideous? Ya gotta take life's moments when they come. My youngest's boss was very impressed with my ability to laugh at myself, something else that I have developed as a result of running. I would go into examples if I had two working eyes, but my frontalis muscles are getting tired from keeping my eyelids open allowing me two slits for typing.

Don't worry if I don't post for a couple of days. I will be back with a report of this Sunday's 8K race.

Mystery rash continues it's rampage.................................

After my (literal) brush with something (I know it isn't poison ivy, because I am VERY allergic to that and know what that rash looks like) on the side of the road on Saturday my body has kicked into high gear to rid the stuff from my system. Apparently, my behind wasn't the only thing to come in contact with whatever, and then I must have used my hand to wipe the sweat from my forehead. Got to be sure to wash my hat.

First the rash arrived, then the itching, handled cold turkey since studies have found a direct link between Benadryl and Alzheimer's disease. Now the puffiness has arrived, as the body calls in all of it's fighters to go to battle against the foreign body in my system.

I couldn't resist the photo opt to go along with the picture of my skinned knee from a while ago. All in the name of training. I am torn, wondering if I should go get my new drivers licence picture taken today, just to make people take a double take when they ask to see it. Probably not a real smart idea...But it could prove to be very entertaining.

Too bad it isn't the end of October. Can't you just see all the great things I could be for Halloween with an eye like that?

For the record...........................

I didn't talk much about mileage last week, and someday I might want to refer back to this journal, from my nursing home bed, when I am trying to impress my new boyfriend in room 379. So....

I was suppose to do 8, 6, 8, 5, and I did 8, 6, -, 5. Wednesday I did -, because I HAD to go to the grocery store. Since it took me four hours (and five hundred dollars) I really think it should count for something, but I will be content to hold off on bragging about it until the day when I can no longer throw around cases of green beans and peaches like it's nothing. Curb side pick up? Not this girl...I can and DO use my muscles! Anyway, consider the miles recorded.

Friday night, in prep for my long run on Saturday, on my way home from the grocery store... What could I possibly need two short days later??? You would be surprised. Actually, I had drove in to a pharmacy to pick up some medication for a resident as her son was out of town. The day before another resident had said to me, "Can I ask you a favor?" Of course he could. His favor? He ask me if I could sift the pancake flour before making his pancakes. I replied sure, turned around to go do so, and turned back around and said, "I lied. I can't do that because I don't have a sifter." I had one years ago, but must have used it for some craft project. And who sifts flour anymore these days anyway? So I went to the grocery store (it is one of those one stop shopping places) to pick up a sifter for his pancake mix. And on the way home from there...

I dropped off a couple of Gatorades for my eighteen miles. As I was making the drive I kept thinking about how far from home I was going. My other routes had including running up and down side roads off the main road, but this new one was more like a giant square so seemed farther. The more I thought about how far it seemed driving, the more powerful I started feeling about the fact that I could actually cover that distance on foot. Not that long ago, I would have been intimidated by the distance, and I wasn't. Way cool!

Speaking of cool... When I took off at 5:45 AM it was a wonderful 62 degrees, not a hint of humidity in the air. Since this route started out going through, and then out of town, I had street lights to help my vision, and it was starting to get light by the time I was away from them (I was going slow, but not that slow... the lights go a good distance out of actual town).

Funny thing about this run. It seemed to fly by. Of course it didn't, and it actually took me four hours to do the eighteen miles which is w-a-y slow, but my mind was very entertained and that made all the difference in the world. Here I was, traveling down roads that I had been traveling down for a good twenty years and it was as if I had never been down them before. There is a HUGE difference in traveling at sixty (plus) miles per hour and snails pace. I saw beautiful flower beds that I had never noticed before, lawn art, and very creative house number signs. Heck I even saw a couple of small cross roads that I didn't know existed. It was quite the adventure.

I made it home safe and sound, AFTER most of the morning care was done (thanks honey), feeling kind of crappy. I had needed the side of the road several times (and have a wonderful mystery rash to prove it), and the tummy was churning. I was well hydrated and had eaten well, but did have a salad on Friday, so I am going to blame that.

Did I mention that I was feeling not so great after this run? Well, not so great, but not so bad that I had to cancel double points shoe shopping afternoon. I found the MOST ADORABLE pair of red and black argyle shoes (see my other blog for pictures). So worth all the trips to the public restrooms!

By the time we got home I was about done. I had promised my youngest I would make her pasta, and after that was done I went to bed (again, thanks to (my) Mister for doing OP care) and slept for eleven hours. Not straight, but I was able to go right back to sleep when I woke up which is great for me. I had not had much sleep during the past week, and with the mileage I really needed it. I felt like a new woman on Sunday morning (with old feet and ankles, but one can't have everything now can one?). One more thought before I end this post...

Do you think they are going to let me store all of my shoes under my bed in the nursing home or if it will be considered a fire violation? I might not be able to use/wear them (then), but it sure aint gonna stop me from looking (at them).

About that yoga article......................................

Towards the end of the article the Author shared the following words:

Pride is a terrible, terrible quality to have too much of. And when coupled with fear, it prevents us from doing things our spirit wants us to do.

Stop for a minute and think about it. Maybe even go back and read it again.

Is it pride that keeps me lined up in the back of the pack so I don't have to endure all those people passing me? Pride, in disguise, that has convinced myself that I don't care about my time when I run/race? Pride that makes me tell strangers on the street that I am running a marathon, believing the more people I tell the less likely I am to drop out and embarrass myself?

Maybe it is, but if one looks at the last part of the quote, maybe not...

For years pride kept me home, on the sofa. I had convinced myself that I couldn't do it, and so I didn't even try, least I prove myself right. Since I had tried and failed so many times in the past, history didn't seem to be on my side... and yet...

Whatever the reason, this time I have written a different ending for the beginning, and boy am I proud of that! My fear of failure (at least when it comes to running) has vanished. Maybe I line up at the back of the pack, because I like the atmosphere that resides there, or I am being polite and staying out of the fast lane for the speedsters on the course? Maybe I am not interested in pushing myself to run faster because if feels so dang good being right where I am now? Maybe, one day, I will have the desire to join the speedsters in the front, and strive towards an ever new and amazing PR. My only hope is if and when I do it is because it is time for me, and not because I think I have something to prove to others for the sake of my pride.

Why am I (really) running a marathon?...................................

In the on line Yoga newsletter there was an article about what a woman learned about herself when she decided to take Salsa dance lessons. Yes, she learned a step or two, but what she came to understand was something much more important than how to dance. The following is a quote from the article:

When you give all your attention to an activity, you can learn a lot about yourself—the ways in which you are growing, the ways in which you are not. You might be learning to dance, how to break forward on the count of “2” and back on the count of “6,” and how to do an inside turn, but you are also learning how you relate to others, how kind or unkind you are, how forgiving, how comfortable with imperfection—in yourself and in others.

As soon as I read that I translated it to my training for the marathon. Actually back to three years ago when I was just starting to run. Yes, my running posture has improved. I know better what my body likes to eat before, during, and after a run. I have learned what parts of my body are prone to chafing and what parts don't. All important things, but they don't begin to touch on how running has changed my life.

When I first started running it was for one simple reason; to burn more calories so I could lose more weight. At the time, I had no idea of the gift I was giving myself. During that time in my life I was massaging a couple of people that were training, and running marathons. I can remember as clear as if it were yesterday all the thoughts I had about never (and I mean never with a capital N) being able to complete that kind of distance. And in all honesty all the thoughts I had about not being able to "get" why they would want to put themselves through that kind of torture?

Running has helped me gain patience. Not that I am anywhere near mastery over the P word, but as I slowly began to see (actually I felt them before I saw them) the changes within I began to get a grasp on the concept of enjoying the journey and not always rushing onto the next goal. Heck I finally got that sometimes one doesn't even need to have an end goal in site as long as they are having a good trip. Amazing thought isn't it?

For the first time in my life I began to truly be okay with letting others be who they were. What they wanted for themselves was finally okay by me. Did it change that I would never want those things for myself? Not one bit. But if they could accept my new-found craziness without understanding it who was I to want something different for them no matter how well meaning my desires?

With a less than stellar childhood I always knew I was made of strong stuff, but the more I run the more I find out just how strong I am. Ya I'm gaining in muscle strength, but what I'm talking about is the kind of strength that makes me believe there is no such thing as an impossible task, nothing that can't be worked out if one wants it badly enough. I've always been stubborn, but this is stubborn in a good way. Stubborn in a problem solving way, in a look at it from all angles way.

Don't get me wrong and believe that since I have been running I have figured out how to always get my way( Think of how rich I would be if that were true and I could market the formula). Percentage wise I am sure I am averaging about the same as before. What is different is my ability to let silly things go. It is easier for me to put things in perspective as to what is important and what simply isn't since participating in a thirteen hour long trail race. Think how zen-like I will be after participating in a twenty-four hour long trail race (did I just say that out loud? That's still suppose to be my little secret since I don't want to scare my oldest off before she completes the marathon. Any takers in doing it with us?).

I would be fibbing if I said I wasn't running the marathon so I could brag about having done it. Fortunately for me as I have been training and preparing to do so (wouldn't the last laugh be on me if I didn't take it seriously and fell short of my goal) I have been given a plethora of other gifts, all much greater than bragging rights! Though bragging rights can be pretty cool...

Speaking of bragging, there is another quote from the article that I want to mention, but this post is long enough so keep an eye out for part two.

Group run...............................

Having wanted to do my long run on Friday (unable to because (my) Mister pulled a muscle and couldn't transfer one of our OPs), I was worrying about fitting it in on Saturday. Don't worry about the Mister, he will be fine. Had he been continuing to do his exercise program it would never have happen so he gets only minimum sympathy instead of boat loads. Saturday (my) Mister and youngest went to get their hair cut first and then it was my turn and I was taking a resident with me to get a perm (my in-house hair dresser can't do them here because one of our resident's can't handle any kind of strong odor). This definitely made any early morning run out of the question. It is lots cooler outside now, but was it cool enough to run for four something hours straight? I was about to find out.

The plan was for my youngest to be here to take care of the OPs, and I had her BF come over to help with any overflow needs. Normally she works for me and I pay her (community) college tuition, but when I went to get my hair done, the hairdresser was telling me about the products the youngest wanted but wouldn't buy because she is keeping a tight hold on her funds until she builds up her emergency fund. Sometimes I think she should get a FOURTH job teaching teens how to handle money. She is so good at it, and most of her friends could really use the advice since they are still living totally off mom and dad. We don't charge her room or board for continuing to live with us, but we also don't give her money for anything else (except I will sneak an occasional pair of clearance shoes into her closet, as according to the two of us shoes go under room and board because they are a life essentials). What does this have to do with my run?

I picked up the thirty dollars worth of products for her and slipped the BF forty bucks (he did some lawn work why he was here too), so my run cost me seventy bucks. It was so worth it to get out and get it over with so I had Sunday to rest. My hairdresser is so good that we were out of there in just under an hour and a half. I was home and ready to run by 1:30 PM. I actually got going a bit closer to 2:00, because I kept coming back for things. A towel, ace wrap in case the ankle acted up, ibuprofen 800 for the feet/ankle/knees. The last time I came back I was beginning to wonder if these were stall tactics? My youngest said, "Hey mom. Did ___(the oldest) call you on your cell phone?" Nope. "Well she did her twenty miles today and she was telling me what a great sister I was and all this stuff and then she said, "Being out there that long gives you lots of time to think about things. I guess I'm just being emotional."

Hearing that little message from her was just what I needed to send me off on a high note. She is doing all this hard marathon training for one reason, to support me and make me happy. Yes, she loves me that much.

Even though I run slower when I listen to talk radio while I run I started out with it playing in my ear buds. I like to listen to "This American Life" which is a group of stories centered on one theme. The theme for the first group was, "Something for nothing." As in, "Is anything really free?" The lead in was talking to some dude that played the lotto, trying to hit it big. When ask how much he thought he spent in a year his reply was three to four thousand dollars a year! What's free about that the narrator ask him.

The first story was about the contest in which several people begin placing their hands on a brand new truck (or car) and the last one left standing wins the vehicle. You've heard about this right? The interview was with the guy that won and as the hours went on, and more people dropped out, he talked about having to want something bad enough to work through the pain, numbness, and desire to quit. He talked about having hallucinations while standing by that truck, how he played his competitors to get them to drop out, and how he could tell when his opponents began to lose control of reality and (in his words) go insane.

As I listened to the show there were so many parallels that I could see with this marathon training, and definitely with training for those ultra distance races. The hour show was an enjoyable way to spend the first five miles.

If you read these posts regularly you know that mile seven seems to be my golden mile. The one in which I get inspiration. Today was no different. I have begun to think about how I am going to dress for the marathon. Early morning in late October in MI could be any kind of weather. I know once I get going I will warm up but do I want to be shivering during the line-up, or toss clothes on the side a few miles in? I think I will plan wearing my number on my leg (and have actually been practicing this) as the rules are VERY insistent that the bib number be visible at all times due to the fact that it is an international race and tight security since 911. If I toss I still have to take them off with as little effort as possible so this is what I came up with during mile seven: I can take a long sleeve running shirt, take the sleeves off at the seams, and take apart the shoulder seams. I can put the shoulder seams back together with Velcro, and put some soft elastic in the top of the arms to hold them up. If I want to lose them along the way a tug or two and it is off. Sound like it could work great doesn't it. Of course I will try it out before race day. I am also in the process of designing my own running shorts, ones that don't bunch up between my thighs and have pockets in front rather than at the back waist.

I always have a little lag around mile 8 or nine, and again at this particular route (I only did it once before) I was checking my time, thinking I was worse than snails pace, rounding the corner and catching a glimpse of the stop sign that signaled ten miles. I was only about seven minutes slower than I had done my last ten (at the Crim), so this jazzed me up again. Miles eleven and twelve are done on a kinda busy road, so I run on the side/stones a lot. By the time I turned off my feet were hurting so this made me think of my new running buddy, Nanc. I took strength from the way she has been bravely working through her foot pain, while continuing to train towards her goals. No matter how busy she is (Full time mom and full time job with travel is pretty darn busy. When you through in training for a marathon...) she ALWAYS takes time to leave a comment on a new posts, and is always supportive and encouraging. I don't think she can know how much this has helped my training, and what a big part she is playing in my making it to the end of this goal/dream. Thanks Nanc.

Mile thirteen I was just plain giddy. I had slowed down to pretty slow, the knees were bothering me just a tad, and I needed a little joy to keep me going. This brought Kate to mind. I kept picturing her description of one run in which "she might have at one point been down on her hands and knees laughing hysterically, but couldn't be sure as it was all a bit fuzzy." This would make me laugh hysterically, but sorry Kate, I refused to fall down on all fours as I knew I would never be able to make myself get back up.

I was well into mile fourteen when it occurred to me that I kept replaying what I planned to have for dinner if I ever made it home (we were at three plus hours by now, and it WAS dinner time). What is up with that? I normally don't think about food while I run. Then it occurred to me that the only thing I had eaten that day was about 1.5 ounces of fresh mozzarella, my morning coffee, and a couple bottles of water. Since I normally do my long runs in the morning I don't worrying about eating before a run. Fortunately for me I had a pack full of food so stopped for a walk/food break at 15.5 miles.

I had also finished all my fluids. I didn't take the time to hide them and ran out just before the last hiding stop which tells me I am understanding when and how much fluid I need/take in on any given run. Being waterless reminded me of Randoms brush with dehydration, not pretty but a great learning experience for her. Fortunately for me mile sixteen is through the East end of our small town so I stopped at the ice cream shoppe, filled up my eight ounce Gatorade bottle a couple of time to drink and then once more to carry.

The last four miles were uneventful is you discount the fact that by this time I was moving so slow one of my neighbors commented on my "shuffling along," and I couldn't get out of the way of a passing lawnmower fast enough to avoid being covered in tiny specs of grass clippings and dirt. Nothing got in my eyes so no harm done.

While the completion of the second twenty miles (4:28:something) did not hold the excitement of the first, it was still mighty rewarding. As I was walking the last few yards to my house I had the thought that six more miles seems like a lot more to have to add to the full marathon distance, but I will take on that challenge when I get to it. With the love and support of my family and all my new running buddies there ain't nothing I can't accomplish. Thanks everyone for sharing the things you are learning so I might benefit from them as well. They are more helpful than you will ever know.